so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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