Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize