did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
