I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
