She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
