Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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