So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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