I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
