Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
