they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
