I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
