Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
