Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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