In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
