I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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