You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
