i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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