im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You are the jesus of drinking
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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