Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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