I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
