Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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