judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
