either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Come share oat with me in your robe
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
