You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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