based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
