I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
