I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
