I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
