I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
