i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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