I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
