If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
