Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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