I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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