3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
