My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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