Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
