i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
