so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
that is very illegal...i love you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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