If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
