guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
