i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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