I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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