if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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