I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
