FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think my moral compass just broke
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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