He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
