Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Ketchup is God's man juice
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
