I need to stop coming to work sober
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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