lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i think my tv is drunk
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
