How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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